I landed in Napa Wednesday afternoon for my 10-day gig
watching my favorite grand-dog while Jason and Sarah head to Mexico for a much
needed vacation. Keeping in mind that it’s been two years since I was here
last, I really didn’t expect much of a doggie welcome. I mean, really. Dogs
have no sense of time and being gone for 5 minutes is the same as 5 years in
their doggie brains. And to dogs every person that walks through the door is a
“new” person and worthy of all kinds of happy jumping and licking, even if you
just left them two minutes ago. Porter greeted me enthusiastically when I
walked in, his tail wagging like a semaphore as he tried to jump up on me and
put his massive paws on my chest. I’d like to think that maybe he did recognize
my smell just a little bit but I’m sure it was more of the scent of the
Southwest Airlines pretzels on my fingers that he was excited about.
And speaking of smells…apparently Porter has developed a bit
of an issue with “expressing himself” or more particularly, expressing his anal
glands, because his smell greeted Sarah and I when we walked in the house
yesterday afternoon, lugging my suitcases. I won’t go into the particulars of
this because, really, you can go your entire life without knowing about this
canine malady. Jason had already suffered through the brunt of the smell since
he beat us home. He was so excited/aggravated about Porter’s wet behind and
noxious odor that it took a full five minutes before he gave me a welcome hug.
Apparently Jason had come home to find Porter with his tail dripping wet (“like
he stuck it in his water dish,” Jason said) and emanating a horrible smell
(“like something dead,” Jason said). From what my son told me,
this isn’t the first time Porter has “expressed himself” and had to go to the
vet to take care of the problem with a horrible sounding “anal gland
expression.” I honestly didn’t
know that this was an issue for big dogs; I thought it was only little dogs
that had to suffer through that occasional humiliation at the vet’s office. But
apparently big dogs have issues too.
Since Jason and Sarah were leaving the next day for their
trip and wanted to make sure Porter was okay before they left, Sarah and I took
Porter up the street to his vet so he could be checked out and further
“expressed.” Sarah said it usually requires an office full of people to keep
Porter under control during this quick procedure (or just about anything that
has to be done to him). It seemed like just mere moments before the vet tech
came back out and said that everything seemed fine, although a “certain area”
of Porter’s appeared to be rather red and raw looking. She gave us a tube of
antiseptic ointment that needs to be applied twice daily for, you guessed it, 7
days (the entire time Jason and Sarah are in Mexico).
When I think of being a grandmother I picture diapering my
grandchild and tenderly rubbing baby lotion on a smooth, pink baby behind while
my grandchild gurgles happily. But since my grandchild at this point is a
hairy, 76-pound chocolate Lab, I get the honor of rubbing antibacterial
ointment on his anal area for the next 7 days, all the while thinking of Jason
and Sarah lounging on the beach in the Mexican sunshine, drinking cheap beer,
while I’m trying to back Porter into a corner so he can’t escape. What better
way to strengthen that canine/human bond…
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